Exile

Inferno

עַ֥ל נַהֲר֨וֹת׀ בָּבֶ֗ל שָׁ֣ם יָ֭שַׁבְנוּ גַּם־בָּכִ֑ינוּ בְּ֝זָכְרֵ֗נוּ אֶת־צִיּֽוֹן׃

By the rivers of Babylon 
there we sat down and wept,
when we remembered Zion.

Babylonian exile
Californian exile
Vale of tears

Betrayed
Rejected
Abandoned

Uprooted violently
Terrifying journey
Barren wilderness

Lost home
Aborted friendship
Broken love

Drifting away
Far from Israel
Far from the ones I love

Alienated
Confused
Discouraged

Rejected
Rejected
Rejected

My God, my God
Why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me?

Lost and alone
Longing to love
Longing to be loved

Sadness
Anger
Despair

Fear
Anguish
Nightmare

Silence
Darkness
Night

Judah has gone into exile because of affliction and hard servitude;
she dwells now among the nations, but finds no resting place;
her pursuers have all overtaken her in the midst of her distress.

Purgatorio

עָרֹ֨ם יָצָתִי מִבֶּ֣טֶן אִמִּ֗י וְעָרֹם֙ אָשׁ֣וּב שָׁ֔מָה יְהוָ֣ה נָתַ֔ן וַיהוָ֖ה לָקָ֑ח יְהִ֛י שֵׁ֥ם יְהוָ֖ה מְבֹרָֽךְ׃

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD.

I have sinned
I have trespassed
I have wounded

I have betrayed
I have rejected
I have abandoned

I have alienated
I have confused
I have discouraged

I have caused sadness
I have caused anger
I have caused despair

I have failed to believe
I have failed to hope
I have failed to love

You whom I have wounded
And betrayed
I ask for forgiveness

You who have wounded
And betrayed
I forgive

Redemptive wounds
Purifying fire
Dawn

I know, O Lord, that your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. 
Let your mercy be ready to comfort me according to your promise to your servant.
Let your compassion come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight.

Paradiso

New home
New friends
New mission

Forgiveness
Trust
Peace

I shall believe
I shall hope
I shall love

I shall be found
I shall be healed
I shall be loved

Joy reborn
Renewed light
Day

A Song of Ascents.
When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.
Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb.
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy.
He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,
Shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

שִׁ֗יר הַֽמַּ֫עֲל֥וֹת בְּשׁ֣וּב יְ֭הוָה אֶת־שִׁיבַ֣ת צִיּ֑וֹן הָ֝יִ֗ינוּ כְּחֹלְמִֽים׃

אָ֤ז יִמָּלֵ֪א שְׂח֡וֹק פִּינוּ֮ וּלְשׁוֹנֵ֪נוּ רִ֫נָּ֥ה אָ֭ז יֹאמְר֣וּ בַגּוֹיִ֑ם הִגְדִּ֥יל יְ֝הוָ֗ה לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת עִם־אֵֽלֶּה׃

הִגְדִּ֣יל יְ֭הוָה לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת עִמָּ֗נוּ הָיִ֥ינוּ שְׂמֵחִֽים׃

שׁוּבָ֣ה יְ֭הוָה אֶת־שְׁבוּתֵנוּ כַּאֲפִיקִ֥ים בַּנֶּֽגֶב׃

הַזֹּרְעִ֥ים בְּדִמְעָ֗ה בְּרִנָּ֥ה יִקְצֹֽרוּ׃

הָ֘ל֤וֹךְ יֵלֵ֨ךְ׀ וּבָכֹה֮ נֹשֵׂ֪א מֶֽשֶׁךְ־הַ֫זָּ֥רַע בֹּֽא־יָב֥וֹא בְרִנָּ֑ה נֹ֝שֵׂ֗א אֲלֻמֹּתָֽיו׃

Betrayed with a Kiss: A Tale of Friendship, Love, and Betrayal

Beloved one and friend,
Jittering, I called you;
In my very hometown,
I sought your face and found you.

You asked me, and I came–
At no small risk, with trembling;
A tender heart aflame,
Open to you and trusting.

We spoke of truth, goodness, and beauty,
To love, and do what you will;
To become responsible forever
For those whom you have tamed.

I offered, far too recklessly,
To walk with you this journey;
To love, shield, and embrace you
Under the shadow of my wings.

Together we went up
To the Little Jerusalem;
With me, you prayed the Amidah,
Then sent me off to Golgotha.

We appeared before great rabbis–
The living and the dead;
Stood before Jews and Gentiles,
And then my blood you shed.

We shared our last Passover,
Singing songs of hallel;
Then, with a kiss, you betrayed me
To Rome, and to the gates of hell.

Job’s sufferings and agony
Assiduously you studied;
Then laid his griefs upon me,
Leaving me stunned and bloodied.

As I bitterly wept and sighed,
You turned away in silence;
Abandoned me, crucified,
To tour the Land of Promise.

While I still hung in desperation,
You made one last request:
That your good name and reputation
I would please not harm or contest.

The heart you had just won and tamed
You broke, bruised, cut, and maimed;
My soul you softly pierced and killed
So you could better do God’s will.

To stand guard over your solitude
I was wholeheartedly devoted;
Yet you showed no solicitude
When I needed you the most.

You coldly spurned every appeal,
Gave icy silence to each petition;
Ignored all prayers and desperate pleas,
Refused to mend, heal, or even listen.

Why did you turn from light to darkness–
Sweet memories to bitter sadness?
Did you not preach responsibility
Before smiting love so cruelly?

You spoke of truth, then flatly lied,
Gave lip service to goodness;
Your own beauty you badly marred
By turning coldly ruthless.

You ever seek great saints and martyrs,
Praising their courage and dignity;
Yet you misled, used, and discarded,
Then fled with cowardice and duplicity.

How does one live with so much dissonance?
Trampling on others with piety;
Humbly promoting one’s self-importance;
Saving the world by treachery.

How many holy thrills experienced
Hiding dark contradictions,
When love and trust you sacrificed
On the altar of vain ambition?

I miss the friend I thought you were;
Was certain you’d rise to the occasion;
That you would live up to your ideals–
Convinced you were a better person.

Driven by restless activism,
O unresponsive and tepid soul;
Passion misguided by narcissism,
The heart you wounded most is yours.

As you affirmed your dignity,
You would not look me in the eye;
Did you serve well the common good
As I gasped for breath and died?

While building up society,
Close friendship you sabotaged;
Involved your gifts and talents
To disappoint, hurt, and dehumanize.

What is this heart of ice and stone–
A reflection of who you are?
You left mine wholly crushed and torn–
Is that for which you stand?

By wounding and betraying,
You missed a higher calling:
To bring honour and glory
To God and to your country.