It Is Good that You Exist

Though you did not leave good memories,
It is good that you exist.

Though you did not treat me well,
It is good that you exist.

Though you did not live up to your ideals,
It is good that you exist.

Though you betrayed trust,
It is good that you exist.

Though you left wounds and scars,
It is good that you exist.

Though you refused to make things right,
It is good that you exist.

Though you disappeared without a trace,
It is good that you exist.

Though unresponsiveness triumphed over goodness,
It is good that you exist.

Because you must be better than this,
It is good that you exist.

On Loving Little and Loving Much

It is painful to have loved too little one who loved much.
It is more painful to have loved much one who loved too little.

Ode to a Friend

With a deep gasp I saw
A changed name;
The Pyle is gone.

Speechless, with disbelief,
The day has lastly come
To reap the fruit of my own deeds.

Spurning your loyalty and goodness,
I foolishly chose instead
Another's unresponsiveness and rudeness.

Oh, that I had but loved you more,
And been a better guardian of your heart
Is my most piercing, deep remorse.

To your patient love and sweetness
I selfishly responded
By abandoning you to grief and sadness.

Now it is I who weep and mourn
Over my worst mistake,
As God's best gift from me is torn.

That you are now another's
Is difficult to grasp;
Still even more so, that you are gone forever.

Accursed blindness of the heart!
Why is love most radiant
Only after it has been lost?

If I could atone, down here on earth
For failing time and time again
To love you according to your worth.

Though I caused you untold pain,
Know that your humble, selfless love
Was not at all in vain.

Asking for your forgiveness,
I pledge to ever live
In remembrance of your kindness.

May our good Lord bring forth redemption
And heal all that was broken
By my poor choices and indecision.

May the one whom you have chosen
For many days and years to come
Love you with tenderness and devotion.

May our Lord bless, keep, and prosper
Your hearth, home and children
With abundant love, joy and laughter.

May they rekindle the radiant smile
That I so obtusely extinguished
And bring the pyle back in style.

Love them as you loved me, and more;
May they return it to you a hundredfold,
And grant you a myriad sweet memories.

Though I was most unworthy,
You have set your seal upon my heart,
And engraved it there eternally.

I pledge to offer for your family
My prayers, sacrifices and crosses;
Please remember to pray for me.

With gentle tears, one final time,
Your little red twin
Smiles and waves goodbye.

Farewell, friend, and thank you.
You have loved me well;
I will never forget you.

Daydreaming / The Sleepwalkers

עוד תהיות על עתיד רחוק
לקרבו אל מעבר לפינה
מפחד של בדידות אל בטחון בקיומך
עוד רגע אנוח בחיקך
כמעט מוחש...
בתמונת שלמות אני איתך, איתך

תחבקני עד בלי די
הישאר בזרועותיי
וביחד הלוואי נאבד
כבשת את מחשבותיי
והרגשת בוודאי
אתה ואני, אולי, אחד

התלחש לי באזניי?
בשדה רוץ אחרי
ונחלום חלום מדי מתוק
אהובי תבוא אלי
כי חיכיתי כל חיי
עד כלות הכוחות

זיכרונות, ריח עבר רחוק
פחד בדידות עמוק
אבל... הספקות שבי כבו
בליבי הוודאות איתך, איתך

התעוררות להווה פשוט
ועם כל זאת אני מחכה לך
תחושת נוכחותך היא במרחק של נגיעה
עוד רגע אני אפגוש בך
עדיף לבד
עד היחד שנועד איתך, איתך

Daydreaming / The Sleepwalkers
Performed by Shani Lachmish
Lyrics by Shani Lachmish
Music composed and arranged by Amit Ben Atar
Recorded at BIT studios, Jerusalem - Amit Ben Atar

On Love and Ties: Lessons from the Little Prince and Dante

Establishing Ties

– Qu’est-ce que signifie « apprivoiser » ?
– C’est une chose trop oubliée, dit le renard. Ça signifie « créer des liens… »

– What does that mean--'tame'?"
– "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

Establishing ties. Bonds. Friendships. Relationships. We were made for them. This is the stuff of which life is made. We were made to live in community and in communion with others.

Some ties are natural and familial, like those of father and son, mother and daughter, or brother and sister. Some ties are solemnly sealed, as in marriage, where a man and a woman become husband and wife. Marriage creates new family ties.

But life is also full of smaller ties that we form all the time—like friendships. When we form a friendship, we establish a tie. We create a relationship. We write a story. When we befriend someone, we begin to tame that person. The story of a friendship is a call to responsibility.

In Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's classic book, the Little Prince is constantly thinking about the rose he left back on his planet—the rose he loves, despite her difficult character. But when he finds a garden full of roses just like his own, he is dismayed. All of a sudden, it seems as if his rose is not unique at all, but just one of many.

A little while later, the little prince meets a fox. The fox teaches him an important lesson:

– "If you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

– "I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."

Because his rose has tamed him, the little prince understands that she is unique in all the world. As the fox tells him: "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

The fox goes on to share with the little prince his most important piece of advice:

"You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose."

And so, the little prince sets out to return to his rose whom he loves.

Breaking Ties

« C'est triste d'oublier un ami. » 

"To forget a friend is sad."

We live in an age when loyalty has become a rare commodity, and when betrayal and abandonment are commonplace.

When tensions or difficulties arise in friendships, relationships and even marriages, instead of valiantly working to seek reconciliation and make things right, we burn bridges. We prefer to flee by unfriending, blocking, and shutting people out of our lives (whether on social media or in real life).

Why do we resort to such childish acts of cowardice? Perhaps we don't grasp to what extent they accomplish nothing but leave behind us a trail of broken ties and broken hearts. Perhaps we don't see to what extent they wound our own nature.

In a previous post, I mentioned that I recently experienced two painful betrayals. The two experiences, which occurred one after the other in quick sequence, were oddly similar, though touching upon two different areas of life (professional and personal). Both persons involved were professed Christians in positions of leadership. I was wholly dedicated to both. Both acted in an eerily similar way:

Both took advantage of me while I was useful to them.
Both got rid of me when I was no longer needed or wanted.
Both were ruthless once they had made up their minds.
Both were more concerned about their reputation than about justice or kindness.
Both attempted to silence me to safeguard said reputation.
Both were unresponsive and stubbornly refused to respond to appeals for dialogue.
Both slammed the door to restoring or healing the relationship.

Although time heals and forgiveness becomes a little easier every day, it remains extraordinarily sad to think that these two persons violated ideals and principles that they professed to hold, and that neither made any attempt, however feeble, at repairing the harm they had done.

Why do people act like that?

Dante's World

Dante's Divine Comedy presents a magnificent theology of love. In the Inferno, we observe the tragedy of failed love and ties that have been broken forever. In the Purgatorio, we encounter the hope of redeemed love and ties that are in the process of being mended. In the Paradiso, we meet perfected love and ties that have been fully restored.

Broken Ties—Forever

In the Inferno, the damned are in hell because they refused to love. They broke ties and stubbornly refused to repair them.

In the circle of heretics, for example, Dante meets a Florentine noble and author called Farinata. Farinata is very concerned about his reputation; he ardently desires that people read his books. But when a former rival, a man called Cavalcante, appears and begins to speak, Farinata is unresponsive: he ignores Cavalcante and refuses to even acknowledge him. The two have "unfriended" and "blocked" each other for all eternity, as it were, and their bitter isolation is part of their eternal, infernal torment (Inferno X).

In the Inferno, the lowest level of hell is reserved for those guilty of "compound fraud," those who have committed acts of treachery against friends and relatives, violating "the special trust added by bonds of friendship or blood-ties" (Inferno XI, 61-63). In the frozen ninth and lowest circle of hell, we find three arch-traitors—Judas Iscariot (who betrayed Christ), Brutus and Cassius (who betrayed Julius Caesar)—being eternally eaten by Satan himself. (Inferno XXXIV)

Clearly—and not just for Dante—betrayal is serious business. It is the worst possible sin against God and neighbor. Hence we must avoid it at all costs. Yet great betrayals don't occur suddenly and out of nowhere. One does not wake up one day to become an adulterer or a Judas Iscariot. Like any other virtue or vice, we become what we practice. If we consistently exercise loyalty in small things, we will become loyal people. If we tolerate small betrayals in our life, over time we run the risk of becoming traitors.

And so, as I often tell my students: Watch for little patterns of infidelity, disloyalty, and betrayal in your daily life and in your heart. Do not tolerate them. Repent from them and fix them. Now.

Mending Ties

In Dante's Purgatorio, the road to purification and sanctification is accomplished with others, in community. Penitents climb Mount Purgatory in a spirit of reconciliation and collaboration with one another. They know that they cannot make it to heaven on their own. They must learn to forgive and love one another. They must learn to become friends.

It is no wonder that reconciliation is an indispensable part of both the Jewish and Christian way of life. Jews are called to restore broken relationships especially during the Days of Awe leading to Yom Kippur. Christ takes reconciliation even more seriously: He says that one should not even approach God's altar to worship Him before reconciling oneself with one's brother or sister (Mt 5:23-26). Clearly, healing broken relationships is not an option for both Jews or Christians. Why wait for purgatory? We must have the courage to do it now.

Restored Ties

In the Paradiso, everyone is reconciled. Broken ties are mended. Wounded hearts are healed. Shattered friendships are made whole. The community of the blessed love well and love fully.

This is our ultimate goal and destiny: to love and be loved. For this reason, we must take good care of the ties in our life, and courageously mend those that we have wounded or broken.

And so, let us learn to be loyal and faithful—every day. May we learn to become responsible for those whom we have tamed.

« J’aurais dû ne pas l’écouter... il ne faut jamais écouter les fleurs. Il faut les regarder et les respirer. La mienne embaumait ma planète, mais je ne savais pas m’en réjouir. Cette histoire de griffes, qui m’avait tellement agacé, eût dû m’attendrir… »

« Je n’ai alors rien su comprendre ! J’aurais dû la juger sur les actes et non sur les mots. Elle m’embaumait et m’éclairait. Je n’aurais jamais dû m’enfuir ! J’aurais dû deviner sa tendresse derrière ses pauvres ruses. Les fleurs sont si contradictoires ! Mais j’étais trop jeune pour savoir l’aimer. »

On Loss, Grief, and Detachment: Wisdom from Saint Catherine of Siena

In this excerpt from Catherine of Siena's Dialogue, God tells Catherine why we suffer so much when we experience loss. Much of our suffering comes excessive attachment to created things (or people).

Catherine of Siena

"I have told you that the will alone is the source of suffering. And because my servants are stripped of their own will and clothed in mine, they feel no grief in suffering but feel me in their souls by grace and are satisfied. Without me they could never be satisfied even if they possessed the whole world. For created things are less than the human person. They were made for you, not you for them, and so they can never satisfy you. Only I can satisfy you. These wretched souls, then, caught in such blindness, are forever toiling but never satisfied. They long for what they cannot have because they will not ask it of me though I could satisfy them.

Do you want me to tell you why they suffer? You know that love always brings suffering if what a person has identified with is lost. These souls in one way or another have identified with the earth in their love, and so they have in fact become earth themselves. Some have identified with their wealth, some with their status, some with their children. Some lose me in their slavery to creatures. Some in their great indecency make brute beasts of their bodies. And so in one way and another they hunger for and feed on earth. They would like to be stable but are not. Indeed they are as passing as the wind, for either they themselves fail through death or my will deprives them of the very things they loved. They suffer unbearable pain in their loss. And the more disordered their love in possessing, the greater is their grief in loss. Had they held these things as lent to them rather than as their own, they could let them go without pain. They suffer because they do not have what they long for. For, as I told you, the world cannot satisfy them, and not being satisfied, they suffer."

--Catherine of Siena, Dialogue 48. 

Silence

Haughty silence of pride
Refusing to face one's wrongs
Call to humility

   Tense silence of anger
   Seething from injuries done
   Call to forgiveness

Cold silence of denial
Suppressing the voice of conscience
Call to conversion

   Agonizing silence of pain
   Reeling from betrayal
   Call to healing

Odious silence of cowardice
Dreading to do what is right
Call to courage

   Sad silence of loss
   Mourning a friendship gone
   Call to reconciliation

Embarrassed silence of shame
Regretting wounds inflicted
Call to mercy

   Tender silence of love
   Waiting for your return
   Call to embrace

Le lièvre et la tortue: une nouvelle fable

"Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé." - Antoine de Saint Exupéry

Un beau jour d'été, une sage tortue rencontra un jeune lièvre qui lui semblait bien pressé. Le lièvre lui dit: "Veux-tu être mon ami? Viens avec moi. Partons en voyage vivre une grande aventure." La tortue, surprise d'un tel empressement, n'hésita qu'un instant avant de lui répondre de bonne foi: "d'accord, avec joie!"

Les deux nouveaux amis partirent en navire vers des terres lointaines. Arrivés sur une ile enchantée, ils visitèrent un château ou ils rencontrèrent une fée. "Quelle beauté!" dit la tortue. "Vite!" dit le lièvre. "Nous devons encore vivre d'autres aventures."

Ils se rendirent ensuite dans une grande ville sur une deuxième ile ou ils visitèrent des personnes très importantes. "Quelle aventure fascinante" dit la tortue. "Vite vite!" dit le lièvre. "Nous devons encore vivre d'autres expériences."

Arrivés sur une nouvelle ile, ils montèrent sur une grande montagne ou il y avait une vue magnifique sur toute la région. Alors qu'ils admiraient le splendide paysage, la tortue dit au lièvre: "C'est beau d'être ici avec toi. Tu sais, je t'aime bien." Le lièvre répondit: "Vite vite! Nous devons encore vivre d'autres aventures."

Le lièvre et la tortue remontérent sur le navire et repartirent vers leur pays. Alors qu'ils s'approchaient de la rive, le lièvre descendit dans la cale sans rien dire. Soudainement, la tortue entendit "boum! craque!" Il regarda dans la cale et vit le lièvre saisissant une hache, faisant un grand trou dans le fond de la barque. Le navire prenait de l'eau et commencait à sombrer. "Mais qu'est-ce que tu fais?" s'écria la tortue, "nous allons couler!"

Prise de panique, la tortue se jeta dans le canot de sauvetage et se sauva à tous tords. Mais elle fut vite prise de remords: "Je ne peux pas laisser mon ami se noyer." La tortue fit demi-tour et retourna vers le navire en détresse. Elle remonta sur le pont et dit au lièvre: "Mais pourquoi as-tu saboté le bateau?"

Sans dire un mot, le lièvre sauta dans le canot et prit le large, laissant la tortue sur le navire condamné au naufrage. Désespérée, la tortue cria: "Mais pourquoi me laisses-tu périr? Reviens me chercher!"

Alors que le lièvre s'éloignait du navire qui coulait et de la tortue qui périssait, il répondit: "Nous avons vécu des belles aventures ensemble! S'il te plait, ne raconte cette histoire à personne! Cela pourrait nuire à ma réputation, et j'ai encore bien d'autres aventures à vivre!"

Dans la vie, bien des gens utilisent les autres pour aggrandir leurs propres expériences. Il faut être prudent avant de nous fier à ceux qui demandent notre amitié. Et il faut sonder notre coeur et nous assurer que nous aimions les autres sans les utiliser pour nos propres intérêts et ambitions.

Memories

As time slips by
The vivid memory of you
In the mind and heart of those you knew
Begins to fade into faint shadows

What remains?

Not how intelligent you were
    or how diligently you worked
Not how eloquently you spoke
    or how ably you wrote
Not how many celebrities you knew
    or to how many countries you flew
Not how many skills you mastered
    or conferences you attended

But

Whether you treated them kindly
    or left them with wounds and scars
Whether you built trust and loyalty
    or sought fleeting experiences near or far
Whether you created lasting bonds
    or left them severed and broken
Whether you lived your ideals with integrity
    or left them violated and contradicted
Whether you courageously mended wrongs
    or fled and left them unresolved
Whether you sacrificed and loved selflessly
    or served your own interests and desires
Whether you created memories to be cherished
    or best erased and forgotten

Create good memories
And if you don't
Make things right, sooner rather than later
Or, at least, later rather than never.

Mt 5:23-24

Exile

Inferno

עַ֥ל נַהֲר֨וֹת׀ בָּבֶ֗ל שָׁ֣ם יָ֭שַׁבְנוּ גַּם־בָּכִ֑ינוּ בְּ֝זָכְרֵ֗נוּ אֶת־צִיּֽוֹן׃

By the rivers of Babylon 
there we sat down and wept,
when we remembered Zion.

Babylonian exile
Californian exile
Vale of tears

Betrayed
Rejected
Abandoned

Uprooted violently
Terrifying journey
Barren wilderness

Lost home
Aborted friendship
Broken love

Drifting away
Far from Israel
Far from the ones I love

Alienated
Confused
Discouraged

Rejected
Rejected
Rejected

My God, my God
Why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me?

Lost and alone
Longing to love
Longing to be loved

Sadness
Anger
Despair

Fear
Anguish
Nightmare

Silence
Darkness
Night

Judah has gone into exile because of affliction and hard servitude;
she dwells now among the nations, but finds no resting place;
her pursuers have all overtaken her in the midst of her distress.

Purgatorio

עָרֹ֨ם יָצָתִי מִבֶּ֣טֶן אִמִּ֗י וְעָרֹם֙ אָשׁ֣וּב שָׁ֔מָה יְהוָ֣ה נָתַ֔ן וַיהוָ֖ה לָקָ֑ח יְהִ֛י שֵׁ֥ם יְהוָ֖ה מְבֹרָֽךְ׃

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD.

I have sinned
I have trespassed
I have wounded

I have betrayed
I have rejected
I have abandoned

I have alienated
I have confused
I have discouraged

I have caused sadness
I have caused anger
I have caused despair

I have failed to believe
I have failed to hope
I have failed to love

You whom I have wounded
And betrayed
I ask for forgiveness

You who have wounded
And betrayed
I forgive

Redemptive wounds
Purifying fire
Dawn

I know, O Lord, that your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. 
Let your mercy be ready to comfort me according to your promise to your servant.
Let your compassion come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight.

Paradiso

New home
New friends
New mission

Forgiveness
Trust
Peace

I shall believe
I shall hope
I shall love

I shall be found
I shall be healed
I shall be loved

Joy reborn
Renewed light
Day

A Song of Ascents.
When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.
Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negeb.
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy.
He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,
Shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

שִׁ֗יר הַֽמַּ֫עֲל֥וֹת בְּשׁ֣וּב יְ֭הוָה אֶת־שִׁיבַ֣ת צִיּ֑וֹן הָ֝יִ֗ינוּ כְּחֹלְמִֽים׃

אָ֤ז יִמָּלֵ֪א שְׂח֡וֹק פִּינוּ֮ וּלְשׁוֹנֵ֪נוּ רִ֫נָּ֥ה אָ֭ז יֹאמְר֣וּ בַגּוֹיִ֑ם הִגְדִּ֥יל יְ֝הוָ֗ה לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת עִם־אֵֽלֶּה׃

הִגְדִּ֣יל יְ֭הוָה לַעֲשׂ֥וֹת עִמָּ֗נוּ הָיִ֥ינוּ שְׂמֵחִֽים׃

שׁוּבָ֣ה יְ֭הוָה אֶת־שְׁבוּתֵנוּ כַּאֲפִיקִ֥ים בַּנֶּֽגֶב׃

הַזֹּרְעִ֥ים בְּדִמְעָ֗ה בְּרִנָּ֥ה יִקְצֹֽרוּ׃

הָ֘ל֤וֹךְ יֵלֵ֨ךְ׀ וּבָכֹה֮ נֹשֵׂ֪א מֶֽשֶׁךְ־הַ֫זָּ֥רַע בֹּֽא־יָב֥וֹא בְרִנָּ֑ה נֹ֝שֵׂ֗א אֲלֻמֹּתָֽיו׃

Empty Steps

Empty steps
Empty heart
Heavy silence
Of abandonment

Place of courage
Place of trust
That only reaped
A broken heart

Painful memories
Of past journeys
Best abandoned
Best forgotten

Looking forward
Moving on
To better journeys
And a new start

Lost Loves

Lost loves:

One was patient;
Another, restless.

One was kind;
Another, rude.

One was loyal;
Another, fickle.

One was sincere;
Another, misleading.

One was generous;
Another, stingy.

One was selfless;
Another, selfish.

One was available;
Another, unresponsive.

One was courageous;
Another, cowardly.

One brought healing;
Another, wounds.

One reflected Christ;
Another obscured Him.

One was love;
Another, not.

On Courage

Courage is not changing the world
It is changing yourself

Courage is not transforming society
It is giving generously

Courage is not writing about responsibility
It is treating others kindly

Courage is not talking about charity
It is listening with humility

Courage is not crossing land and sea
It is living sacrificially

Courage is not chasing holy celebrities
It is healing a broken friendship

Courage is not working ceaselessly
It is risking vulnerability

Courage is not facing great adversity
It is saying "I'm sorry"

Pomegranate Juice and Rose Petals (On Gratitude)

Pomegranate juice
A small act of love
Covered with prayers
Drenched with tears

Cajoling a friend
To carry out urgently
In the hot Jerusalem sun
A vital mission and delivery

Seeking and finding
With care and anxiety
Calling you by proxy
Mission accomplished

Have you seen the one whom my soul loves?
I will rise now and go about the city...

A soft rose petal
Timid act of love
Covered with prayers
Drenched with tears

Frail as its message
Through a mysterious code
Carrying grace and devotion
Across mighty oceans

I sought her, but found her not,
I called her, but she gave no answer...

A long, ardent letter
A last act of love
Covered with prayers
Drenched with tears

Pouring one's heart
In a final attempt
To remember the story
And redeem a few moments

The deafening roar of icy silence
The clashing gong of a gate slammed shut
The throbbing echo of infinite distance
The clanging cymbal of a steely heart

Too occupied with God's language
To utter even a small 'thank you'
Into the dark, distant night
With the nine lepers she withdrew

Life is short. It is important to acknowledge, appreciate, and return the small acts of love and kindness that others extend to you.

The Test of True Character

Your true character is revealed
Not in lofty ideas or eloquent words,
Not in relentless work or great accomplishments,
But in how you treat those who love you.

The End Makes the Story

Ending badly ruins everything.
Even the best memories
Become moments of pain.
A flirt turns into deception
Conversations to wounds
Sacrifices to bitterness
Ideals to hypocrisy
A kiss to betrayal
Silence to sadness
Love to death.

Ending well redeems everything.
Even the greatest hardships
Become moments of grace.
Deception turns to forgiveness
Wounds to healing
Bitterness to peace
Hypocrisy to authenticity
Betrayal to reconciliation
Sadness to joy
Death to life.

On Unresponsiveness

...and when I spoke to you persistently you did not listen,
and when I called you, you did not answer... (Jer 7:13)

Unresponsiveness
Is anything more disrespectful
Is any act more selfish
Is any deed more hurtful
Than not to acknowledge
A friend reaching out to you?

Letters ignored
Calls unheeded
Gifts unacknowledged
Affection unreciprocated
Have turned to tears
And testify to a friendship that wasn't

Open your eyes and see
Open your ears and hear
Pay heed to your conscience
Soften your heart
Act with kindness
Acknowledge your friend
And all shall be well.

Betrayed with a Kiss: A Tale of Friendship, Love, and Betrayal

Beloved one and friend,
Jittering, I called you;
In my very hometown,
I sought your face and found you.

You asked me, and I came–
At no small risk, with trembling;
A tender heart aflame,
Open to you and trusting.

We spoke of truth, goodness, and beauty,
To love, and do what you will;
To become responsible forever
For those whom you have tamed.

I offered, far too recklessly,
To walk with you this journey;
To love, shield, and embrace you
Under the shadow of my wings.

Together we went up
To the Little Jerusalem;
With me, you prayed the Amidah,
Then sent me off to Golgotha.

We appeared before great rabbis–
The living and the dead;
Stood before Jews and Gentiles,
And then my blood you shed.

We shared our last Passover,
Singing songs of hallel;
Then, with a kiss, you betrayed me
To Rome, and to the gates of hell.

Job’s sufferings and agony
Assiduously you studied;
Then laid his griefs upon me,
Leaving me stunned and bloodied.

As I bitterly wept and sighed,
You turned away in silence;
Abandoned me, crucified,
To tour the Land of Promise.

While I still hung in desperation,
You made one last request:
That your good name and reputation
I would please not harm or contest.

The heart you had just won and tamed
You broke, bruised, cut, and maimed;
My soul you softly pierced and killed
So you could better do God’s will.

To stand guard over your solitude
I was wholeheartedly devoted;
Yet you showed no solicitude
When I needed you the most.

You coldly spurned every appeal,
Gave icy silence to each petition;
Ignored all prayers and desperate pleas,
Refused to mend, heal, or even listen.

Why did you turn from light to darkness–
Sweet memories to bitter sadness?
Did you not preach responsibility
Before smiting love so cruelly?

You spoke of truth, then flatly lied,
Gave lip service to goodness;
Your own beauty you badly marred
By turning coldly ruthless.

You ever seek great saints and martyrs,
Praising their courage and dignity;
Yet you misled, used, and discarded,
Then fled with cowardice and duplicity.

How does one live with so much dissonance?
Trampling on others with piety;
Humbly promoting one’s self-importance;
Saving the world by treachery.

How many holy thrills experienced
Hiding dark contradictions,
When love and trust you sacrificed
On the altar of vain ambition?

I miss the friend I thought you were;
Was certain you’d rise to the occasion;
That you would live up to your ideals–
Convinced you were a better person.

Driven by restless activism,
O unresponsive and tepid soul;
Passion misguided by narcissism,
The heart you wounded most is yours.

As you affirmed your dignity,
You would not look me in the eye;
Did you serve well the common good
As I gasped for breath and died?

While building up society,
Close friendship you sabotaged;
Involved your gifts and talents
To disappoint, hurt, and dehumanize.

What is this heart of ice and stone–
A reflection of who you are?
You left mine wholly crushed and torn–
Is that for which you stand?

By wounding and betraying,
You missed a higher calling:
To bring honour and glory
To God and to your country.

The Lonely Shepherd

There is a shepherd alone in his grief,
Deprived of all pleasure and joy,
His thoughts on his shepherdess intent,
And his heart is by love most cruelly torn.

He weeps, not because wounded with love,
Nor because of the pain of his grief,
Though his heart has been pierced so deep;
But because he thinks he is forgot.

His beautiful shepherdess, so does he think,
Has forgotten him: that thought alone
Overwhelms him with grief in a land not his own,
And his heart is by love most cruelly torn.

The shepherd exclaims, ah wretch that I am!
For I am abandoned and left;
My presence is shunned by my love,
And my heart for her love is most cruelly torn.

At last he was raised on a tree,
Where he opened his beautiful arms,
And hanging thereby breathed his last,
His heart by love most cruelly torn..

-- St John of the Cross